


The Tide

by alexfckingnovak



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Alec is a merman, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Magnus is only mentioned, One Shot, Short, human Magnus bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 11:18:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19208302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexfckingnovak/pseuds/alexfckingnovak
Summary: In which Alec is a merman who falls in love with a human named Magnus Bane.





	The Tide

It’s funny how fast the tide changes. 

One moment the water is down by your ankles, sloshing carelessly around your feet, and the next you’re drowning, salty water filling your nose and the aching burn blooming in your lungs. The tide is unpredictable, it is deadly, it is  _ home._

Alexander Gideon Lightwood made his home the ocean. The gentle turn of the tides lulling him to sleep each night. He stayed tucked away in the deepest caves, befriending creatures that humans would run from. That was something he and the creatures had in common, none of them were wanted by those on the surface. They were seen as monstrosities, fictional creations that were made to scare small children at night. He hated it. The loneliness that he felt drowned him more than the water that filled his lungs. It breathed poison into every crevice of his mind, never once giving him a chance to escape.

It didn’t take long for his senses to adjust to the isolated darkness of his cave. It was always eerily silent there, nothing but the steady sound of his heartbeat to keep him company. Sometimes he found himself missing his old life near the surface, reminiscing about the feeling of the sun shining down onto his face and the soft breeze messing with his hair. 

Whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder was a liar. Distance just makes the heart wither as it draws out every ounce of hope you have and leaves you empty, bitter, and broken. He missed the freedom that came with swimming under the sun. He missed the excitement that only came with the storms, the feeling of rising and falling with the waves, watching as lightning danced across the sky to the beat of the thunder. He missed watching the humans play in the waves, blissfully ignorant to the danger that awaits them if they step in too deep.

The most infuriating part of his situation is that he could’ve stopped it. He had the option to stop it, to swim away and hide, or even just staying on shore with him or leaving the man by himself. But those eyes, they stole away any wisp of self control he had. It seemed as if it was only yesterday that he had been sitting on that beach, scale covered tail hidden beneath the foamy waves. He was watching minnows swirl between his fingers when he felt someone approaching. He immediately moved to dash under the waves, to run, to hide, but the man spoke before he could lift a finger. 

One word. That’s all it took to stop Alec in his tracks. He sat, staring at the water for a while longer before making his second mistake, looking up. Immediately their eyes clashed, Alec’s whirling with the force of a hurricane while the man’s were as soothing as a gentle breeze through the forest. If the man noticed his unrest he didn’t say anything, which in part Alec was grateful for. However, at the time, he had been too busy staring into those calm eyes to even notice that the man had sat down next to him. Instinctively Alec’s tail flicked away, getting as far from the man as it possibly could. Maybe, he thought, if he didn’t tell the man what he was, then maybe he could stay. The naivety of his younger self made Alec want to smash his head into a wall. It was that same naivety that had Alec falling for the man, for  _ Magnus_. And it was that same naivety that coerced him to drag Magnus out to sea with him, that convinced him that as long as Alec was there nothing bad would happen to him. As it turns out, the tide had other plans. 

The storm went as fast as it came. The waves threatening to swallow them whole as thunder shook the heavens, rain pouring onto them like buckets. Alec had tried to keep hold of Magnus, he really did, but sometimes trying isn’t enough. Sometimes, you aren’t enough. He couldn’t save Magnus. Alec wasn’t strong enough to keep holding the man’s head above the swirling sea, and he wasn’t quick enough to dive under the surface and pull him back up in time, pushing against those forceful currents. He wasn’t enough.

Those three words bit into him as he hauled his friend’s—his  _ lover’s_—unconscious body back to the shore. He repeated them like a mantra in his head, searing it into his brain that it was his fault Magnus died. He was the one that grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the shore, he was the one that lost his grip on the man and he was the one that couldn’t swim against the currents fast enough. He carefully laid Magnus’ body in the sand before retreating into the waves, letting the salt water wash away his tears. The only person that truly wanted him died. The only person that loved his scales and his claws and his smile and his gills and the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. The only person that truly loved him,  _ all of him_, was gone.

It’s funny how fast the tide changes.


End file.
